Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bryn Celli Ddu.

Thanks to Hobgoblin for reminding me a location tattooed on my soul.

Venus has more than one meaning, more than a star, more than Lucifer; meanings common to all and meanings that are deeply personal..

In my view, the true function, both now and in the past of Bryn Celli Ddu and all the 'old' places is as repositories, sacred libraries. For the Neolithic and Bronze Age sites belong to a time when narratives were allowed to contain gods, demons and the deeply irrational, they provide space for our minds to enter the sacred and to remember, for we have no where else to catch such old dreams....

When I think of location as a place one visits and then moves on from, I think of the Taoist or Buddhist maxim, that one cannot step into the same river twice...I think of linear time (Djed) and it reminds me of the life as journey narrative.

And when I think of life as journey I hear this parental voice saying, 'don't dwell on things so much dear!' as if I should be moving on, making progress, getting somewhere.

Another way to think of time is (Neheh)  circular time; all locations coexist, one can step into the same river twice, and be washed away to drown many times. 

When I think of Bryn Celli Ddu it is with mixed feelings. I should go back, actually I want to go back, after all I owe the Dark places my life. But it still makes me taste metal when I think of it.
Call it post traumatic stress?

Bryn Celli Ddu, the Dark house opened for me the first of the seven gates of Irkalla. My soul stepped over the threshold, whilst 'I' remained by the first gate, as the faithful scribe; this was one of the most important lessons of my life, perhaps it is something dear old Granddaddy Jung gave me?  there must be some part of oneself ' outside' of the catabasis experience, to record and to seek help, armed with knowledge and able to call on the gods.

I don't remember going inside the dark, but I know what is in there.
I can taste the car fumes, I can feel the disorientation and I fear the distant cries.

In the upper world, as my life was falling apart, Bryn Celli Ddu  represented my death by suicide.

Surrounded by utter chaos, I sat down in the house of ash and wrote a poem called Bryn Celli Ddu, visualising the dark pillar, daring to look over the lip of the bowl, into the darkness. I wrote as a way to come to terms; the pain I was experiencing was too much. I couldn't function. I couldn't get out to save myself without casting my pain, like a net of poisoned threads, onto my children, my husband. 

Yet the decision was made.
I chose death.

Obviously I'm still here....
Saved by sex as raw as the thousand volts that shock the quivering heart back to life, and by a dream. Sorry, I should say it was Prozac and CBT, but it wasn't..nor will it ever be, I don't work that way.

Concerning Venus, at first the Inanna myth did not fit. I had not chosen to listen to the Great Below, I had not chosen to enter the Dark house. In the dream it was the enemy,  'The Dark Sister' who merged into me and offered me her strength. 

Latter in talking to someone who had been compelled to make a film of the Descent myth, I began to see in the original story some deep truths that had applied to my own life. I still cannot think of a better description of the agony of bone-shattering depression than the meat-hook.

Finally, for me the Descent of Inanna concerns partnership and marriage in particular, it contains a warning and some advice...

But back to the upper world of connections,  is Bryn Celli Ddu aligned on Venus? For me it was enough that the pillar and the bowl represented my true Mother (the earth) and her bowl contained  'the perilous vision', be that a reflection of my self, or the ash of my own cremated remains.

I didn't connect the place with Inanna (all love and war and passion), but the Descent myth helped me to make sense of the dream I needed to dream before I could save myself. The name Bryn Celli Ddu means something like little hill in the valley-dark, but in my mind it was the Dark house. Visiting it provided the grit to create the pearl, or rather helped me to make sense...The ability to create a narrative is innate, but the stories we are given sometimes need a physical place, a stone, some ground. Bryn Celli Ddu provided that for me.


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